I have started therapy and will continue to see my therapist for a long while. You do a terrible job of speaking on behalf of the entire gender.

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Then we come to the cheating. So you kind of knew. None of this is your fault in any way. Add To Cart. My husband and I have been together for seven years.

12/05/ · families seem to prevent family from setting boundaries within the family. Kids aren’t allowed to say no, I don’t want to hug you. Siblings aren’t allowed to say no, you can’t take my clothes out of my closet, even when there is a pattern of the clothes being stained or otherwise It think that listening to no and respecting it is as critical to a successful relationship as boundaries .

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This typeface attracts two opposite design theories by mixing bold and blocky modernism with delicate ornamentals. The unlikely mix is not haphazard, however. But totally true in re vegans and cross-fitters, riiiight??? Taylor May 12, , am. Addie Pray May 12, , pm. Sheesh, took you long enough. When the truth is, I love Canada! I love your healthcare, your poutines, and your bacon. I even love your Quebecois! I disagree, it really is no different than generalizing groups of people.

Yes to Florida, West Virginia, Arkansas… and a lot of other fly-over states. I thought everyone was ivy league. I agree with Wendy that you need to go to a therapist.

And I agree that rather than not blaming him, you need to blame him for his part and what he chose to do. Eventually you may be able to feel safe and confident with him, but he has to earn it and show you that he deserves it.

Starting with giving you the space and time to deal with this betrayal and not pushing you to accept him back before you are ready. Tbm also made the insensitive move of generalizing the population of people who go on Jerry Springer. Your comments make it seem like your standing up for some poor disrespected and mistreated group of people. TheRascal May 12, , am. Why are you not allowing yourself to be?

What he and your mother!! But when you are with him, you are in denial; you are suppressing the anger that you need to feel in order to process this betrayal. Quit fooling yourself. You need to face that fact. I know you just want to forget. That you want to believe him when he said it was only once. It would be so much easier, and you WANT to love him.

Or robbing a bank. Or sleeping WITH YOUR MOTHER. I worry for you that your self-respect is so low that you will literally accept someone who proved to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has NO respect for you, your family, your relationship with your family, or your health. The vagina YOU came out of.

Please let that fully sink in. How old is he? Seriously, I think when you aheva toddler in the house and a 9 month pregnant wife, him getting belligerently drunk would be THE HUGEST RED FLAG EVER for me.

Is he an alcoholic? BE FUCKING MAD, LW. Aim so, so, so , so much higher. BETTER MEN EXIST. A marriage must have love, respect, and trust. Yours is now lacking a lot of those things. You owe it to your children to be with a good, trustworthy man. THERAPY FOR YOU. It will get better. Even if it was only one sided which I have a hard time believing , HE SHOULD HAVE SHUT DOWN. RedRoverRedRover May 12, , pm. Was he drunk the entire week she was sending him dirty texts? Which means he soberly received those messages and chose not to shut her down.

He knew she was being inappropriate and he went into her room late at night. He knew exactly what was going to happen. He could have stopped it when he was sober. TheTruth May 12, , am. LW… screw all these other women telling you to leave him. Your letter states you want to be with him… so do it.

Men are idiots… we are… the fact that he slept with your mom is no different to him that if he slept with your sister, or a stranger. Dirty secret… not so secret … your husband sleeping with someone else has no bearing on whether he loves you or not. From the sounds of it, he probably feels like a total turd and is racked with guilt. TheTruth, this is so absolutely NOT the truth. Generalizations hurt men AND women alike. What MrMid and Kmen said. I thought so. But I do have a kind of serious question.

Was it eerily similar? As different or as similar as any two unrelated women would be? LW, ask your husband that, before you kick him out. Gee I hope it was. There actually are men who believe this. Aubrey Ray May 12, , am. Just no. If anyone feels that being a male gives you the right to sleep with whomever, whenever, I fully and honestly support you.

TheTruth May 12, , pm. Cheating is wrong. It may mean he has poor morals. It may mean he had a moment of weakness. Skyblossom May 12, , pm. He might be able to cheat and still love his wife, that much is true. The empathetic person finds it impossible to cheat on their spouse because they feel the pain that they know their spouse and kids would feel and that stops them.

The person who cheats is willing to gamble the entire marriage for the pleasure of the moment. All in all, they are immature and not worth a marriage. I agree with sky blossom. I think it is possible to cheat and still love a partner.

I also think cheating can be indicative of someone who has a limited capacity for true intimacy and maybe even love. If love is something you have, feel, and do for a life partner not just the chemical experience of a pussy whipping how severed can a connection be before one considers the disregard a dampening or even absence of love? Drewser May 12, , am. The truth of the matter of is, some men cheat. Some men, especially ones with huge egos feel a sense of entitlement to cheat.

I bet not favorably. There are some women who can cheat and not feel any attachment. Sex can be intimate, passionate, or just another activity. What is the point of this? Who cares why you think people cheat? It has nothing to do with this topic. People cheat because they want to and they can. Those are excuses. None of us are children or animals. People make their own decisions. I also reject the idea that this situation came to be thoughtlessly. Perhaps willfully ignorantly but hardly thoughtless unless of course this man and the mother are both severely mentally disabled.

I have known a great many men who are not so characterized or broken. It is sad that you apparently have known so many people with so little integrity. Or any family in law. LW, obviously this person is not someone to listen to. LW, I think this marriage is broken beyond repair, for all the reasons others have mentioned. And tried to make you feel like you were crazy for thinking that something was off? Good grief. Him and your mom deserve each other. You deserve better.

Stillrunning May 12, , pm. Dear Wendy May 12, , am. Splitting hairs, but just for clarification: the mom was sending the husband inappropriate texts for a week, not a month, before they had sex.

Instead, he went out and got belligerently drunk when he not only had a wife who could go into labor at any moment, but a live-in MIL who was putting the moves on him. Or maybe she was working on some surprise for me and was texting Drew about the details while she was awake and thinking of them. That the LW immediately jumped to suspicious thoughts suggests that either her husband or her mother or, likely, both had given her reason in the past to be suspicious of them.

Crossing fingers that LW is reading this and provides an update or at least address some of our questions. Cleopatra Jones May 12, , pm. Whatever the context, this is all kinds of crazy. I could understand not sharing the texts immediately… she was 9 months pregnant and it would be totally reasonable to wait till after the baby was born to bring this up, in my opinion.

If that had been all that had happened, plus he had told the MIL to stop it, I would be defending him right now. WHILE SOBER, I might add. He was only drunk for the actual sex, not the sexting. Things should have never gotten to this point. Whenever your husband started receiving inappropriate texts from your mom back in January, he should have put a stop to her behavior then by telling you and asking her to move out.

Obviously she texted him something and he deleted it, probably knowing what it said. Who knows what he sent back to her. There are many points at which your husband could have ended things before it got to the point that he had sex with your mom. I definitely agree that you should go to therapy. Individual therapy for yourself and couples therapy if you really think this is worth saving. Is there a support group for children of selfish, horrible parents? If not there should be.

Anon May 12, , am. It was better, which probably is why I have always enjoyed being with older women sexually. Were you sexually active with your girlfriend the daughter too? How old was the mom at the time? Was sexually active with the daughter about two years later, she had been a virgin at that previous time and we had only dated a few months.

We saw each other again a couple years later at a party and hooked up throughout that weekend, that was the end of that. She has since passed away from what I hear. She had 6 kids from 5 different people come to find out. Did I cure your curiosity? You did. Many thanks! If she did, it never came from me. Sunshine Brite May 12, , am. I still feel like this is different though because of the teenageness, no kids, and no marriage in place.

Depends where he lives. Legal in Canada too, BTW, and a lot of other countries. Margo May 12, , pm. Anon May 13, , am. FireStar May 12, , am. It really is the worst thing someone can do to you short of physically harming you — to betray you so thoroughly.

And then to lie to you when you confronted them, both of them making you think the problem rested with you and your crazy paranoid pregnancy brain…all the while they KNEW you were right. It must feel like a bomb went off in your life. You have to stop acting like your mother raped your husband though. Why else was he in tears after? He was part of this — a willing part…even if a subsequently regretful part. And since he was a part in it — you have to accept the part your husband played in this — the active willing part he played — otherwise there is no moving on from this — with or without him.

A decent husband hell a mediocre husband would have told you the instant your mother made a pass at him…you would have known from that first text. What made your husband hide that from you? And hide all subsequent text?

The texts continued. He had sex with her. So see your husband for who he actually is. Not who you want him to be or who you thought he was. That is the place to start. You need to work through what happened to you. It was traumatic…. If you move before you are well you will hurt yourself again. You are just delaying the process of getting better by moving too fast with your husband.

And your kids need you to be well — for their future as well as for yours. I understand your husband is where you feel comfortable and safe.

You have a new reality now and you have to adjust to that. Marriages recover from some terrible things — and maybe yours can too. Book an appointment with a therapist now. I wish you the very best for you and your little ones. Eljay May 12, , pm. Wow this is awful. I sympathize with the LW, living with a toddler and a newborn is tough and it could be scary considering doing it own your own — especially when you expected to have 2 other adults your mother and spouse to help out.

I say move out the traitors and move in a friend. Find a nanny, au pair, college student or someone to live with you and help you through this time. I can see rationalizing staying with your husband because you need the extra hands, but please find the help somewhere else. Can you make the husband pay for the support? Can you quit your job and make your husband support the family while you get your life together? Having a toddler and a new born my kids are 22 months apart and we have no family nearby was always going to be a hectic, sleepless, trying — and exciting!

Your mother sounds like a sociopath. You say you work with her. Of course you are finding moments of comfort from your agonizing heartbreak in the presence of the man you love. He thought he had an STD for an entire month.

He thought he had exposed both you and his own child. He did not have the sense of remorse to find the courage to tell you. How to interpret this and what it means is going to take time. Sadly, there is no way around it. Not if you are looking for stability in life. At times like these people learn things about themselves. I hope you will find solace in others, in therapy, in your babies. I hope in time you will rebuild, though the vision of what is not yet in view. Best of luck. I can see why you are not placing enough blame on your husband, but you are being deluded.

If I were in this situation I would be far angrier at my mother, because of all people, your own parent should never do anything remotely like that with your spouse. Also, when someone uses an excuse of being belligerently drunk for cheating, I suspect there are other issues there with alcohol.

Especially given that you were 9 months pregnant. Reading this made me physically sick. Important Dates. Expires On. Registered On. Name Servers. Similar Domains. Registrar Data We will display stored WHOIS data for up to 30 days. Site Status.

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